Back to square one
by Rufus-sama
Summary: .'Before he was cured he had said that if he survived Geostigma he wouldn't take life for granted...' Tseng thinking about what Rufus said he'd do and what he's actually doing. Post AC. Yaoiish, kind of fluffy.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Same one as always, don't own them and never will…

A/N: I could have been left as one chapter, but it would have felt too long that way…

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He's doing it again. Before he was cured he had said that if he survived Geostigma he wouldn't take life for granted and would go out and actually enjoy some of it; not live for work.

Well, he was cured and he did enjoy life; for about two weeks. Then he got so caught up in the restoration that he never even took time out for himself. Now he stays awake for days and works until he passes out. If it wouldn't be for someone picking him up and actually taking him to rest, his bed would rarely, if ever, be used.

He used to talk to us and treat us like his friends. Now he barely even looks at us and if he does it's only to give us a new mission, or tell us he's going to talk to Reeve and say that one of us has to go with him.

I don't know what changed in the course of two weeks. He had changed so much in the last two years, all of it for the better. He matured, learned from his mistakes, treated people like people, realized that there is more to life then work, appreciated the little things in life. It's amazing what a near death experience will do to your outlook on life, at least for a while.

The only benefit to him going back to his old working ways is that he is working for the greater good of the world, not for his own personal gain. I appreciate that he's doing all he can to rebuild a world that he admits was mostly ruined by his company, however pushing himself to the edge is a little much. No one expects everything to be rebuilt in a day. No one, apparently, except for him.

It may sound odd and perhaps slightly selfish to say, but in a way I do wish that things would go back to the way they were when he was sick. He paid attention to us, gave a damn about us, gave a damn about himself, laughed, joked, basically just appreciated the fact that he was still alive. Now? You're lucky if you get a smile out of him after you tell him a joke.

I want the old him back. Not the smart-ass "I'm better then everyone" guy that he was before Geostigma or before he was blown up. I guess then that would mean I want the new him back. I willingly followed him when he was a stuck-up brat, but I never felt more loyal to anyone in my life when he gave a damn about us.

Was it all just a ruse to get us to take care of him? If it was the old him, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised. I wouldn't expect that from him now, unless he really did manage to play all of us for fools. I miss the way he used to cuddle up to me at night when he was sick, like he was hanging on to me for his life. I miss the smiles he used to give me in the morning when he woke up in my arms. I just miss _him_.

Like I said though, I do understand why he's working so hard. The city needs to get back on its feet; the people need work and his construction projects are employing a lot of people. He and Reeve actually do make a great team; Reeve has always been concerned about the people in the city rather then the city itself while _he_ is now only too happy to give some of his money back to the people that helped make him rich in the first place. They do end up working long hours together, longer then I like, but I do know that it is for the greater good of everyone around.

Don't misinterpret me; I'm not jealous of the time they spend together and I do realize that it is strictly a professional relationship that they have. I have been assured by the others when I'm not there that it's all work that they talk about when they're together. There is some arguing, but it's usually very productive.

I myself am busy; since getting the company back on its feet, the other three have been scouting for new recruits. I have the job of going through the files of the recruits they bring in and decide if they're worth the time to train. I did protest the need for an army in the beginning, but both he and Reeve made a valid point; order has to be maintained. Without the army or other authoritative figures, people would run rampant in the city and chaos, not order, would prevail.

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I must have been lost in my thoughts; I didn't hear someone come in. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind and the familiar weight of his head on my back. I miss his hugs as well; they're not as strong as they used to be. But now that he is well, he will be able to regain his strength.

I don't turn around or acknowledge that he is hugging me. He senses that something is wrong; I feel him tensing up against me. I want to turn around and hold him, tell him that I miss him, but doing that wouldn't change anything. It would only show that I'm alright with the way things are and that I don't mind him treating us the way he is. As much as I want to turn around and hold him, I am going to stand my ground.


	2. Chapter 2

I feel him sigh against me. I'm not sure if he knows how incredibly hard it is for me to ignore him or even if he knows _why_ I am ignoring him.

His arms loosen up from around my waist and he slowly moves away from me. I still haven't moved to acknowledge that he is there with me. I must admit, it is a very good test of my will power.

I feel his hands on my shoulders gently persuading me to turn around. I don't object and turn to look him in the eye. There's something in his eyes that usually isn't there. Regret.

He wraps his arms around me again and rests his head on my shoulder. I don't put my arms around him to hold him like I usually would. He doesn't move or say anything about it, but I know it bothers him. He loosens his hold on me; I feel the weight of his head leave my shoulder and find myself looking down at him, face to face. The regret is gone from his eyes; now he looks more hurt at the turn of events.

'I guess I deserve this.' I hear him say to me. I look away from him and go back to looking out my window. 'Yes, you do. It's only fair.' It's not quite what I had wanted to say to him, but it's all that would come out.

'Tseng?'

'Yes Rufus?'

I hear him sigh again. I turn my gaze back to him and he's looking down at the floor, almost like he's trying to find the right words to say. He finally looks back up at me and says in a quiet voice.

'I'm sorry.'

The old Rufus would never have apologized for anything, even though he would be fully aware that he was wrong. The new Rufus didn't mind admitting his mistakes to those that he trusted and cared about. The number of people that he trusts totals about 5; me, Reno, Rude, Elena and Reeve.

I want to hold him and tell him to not worry about it; that he has enough on his mind and that how we feel about what he's doing isn't important, but I can't. I do mind what he is doing and although I understand that he's under a lot of stress, I don't appreciate us being on the receiving end of his outbursts. I decide to play the idiot and not know what he's talking about.

'Sorry for what Rufus?' Somehow my voice didn't betray my feelings. I kept it as monotone as I always do.

'Why are you making this so difficult?' I can hear the frustration in his voice. He can hide his emotions very well from others, but he was never able to hide his emotions from me.

'Just tell me what you're sorry for Rufus. Please, enlighten me.'

I hear him sighing. I feel his arms wrap around my waist again and the weight of his head is back on my shoulder. He feels tense and given the silence that followed my comment, unsure of how to begin his apology.

'I'm sorry about how I have been treating you and the others.'

'How did you know that was what was bothering me?'

He was holding me tighter now, almost like he thought that if he let go I'd leave.

'Because if you were treating me the way I've been treating all of you I'd be upset too. I let work get the better of me again. I got carried away and I apologize. Do you forgive me?'

I had forgiven him the moment he had said that he was sorry. I could never stay mad at him long; he means too much to me.

'Tseng? You're being very quiet. Please say something.'

There are so many things that I wanted to say, but I didn't know where to start. I figured I'd just state the obvious. 'You said that you wouldn't do this again.'

'I know I did Tseng, I just got carried away. It's not an excuse for how I've been ignoring you and otherwise just treating everyone like dirt. I want this city fixed, I want to see it rebuilt. Now that I'm healthy again, I'd like to see the city on its feet as soon as possible. I don't mean to let the stress out on you. I'm sorry.'

'You promised that you'd stop living for your work and actually live outside your office. I'm getting tired of carrying you to bed or getting calls saying that one of them had to carry you out of your office.'

He sighed again, I knew that he was frustrated with the conversation. I'm sure this isn't anything like he expected.

'Tseng, I'm the President. I can't just shut my job off at the end of the day. If there's things come 5 pm that aren't completed, I have to stay and finish them whether I want to or not. It's always been like this, you've been here long enough to know that. The only thing that I can say I've really done wrong is take my frustrations out on other people and ignore those I care about.'

'I've apologized and I truly am sorry for how I've treated all of you. But you have to understand that until the city is back on its feet, I'll be working a lot of hours. If you can't accept this, then I understand.'

His grip loosened on me and he started to back away from me. I know that he thinks that I'm still upset with him given how I reacted to his confession. I couldn't hold back anymore. I needed to let him know that I had forgiven him and _he_ needed to know that I was here for him and that I understood what was going on. I wrapped my arms around him and drew him closer to me. I felt him tense up, only for a moment, before he relaxed in my hold.

'I do understand the work that needs to be done, Rufus. That's not what is troubling me. I want you to promise me that you will take time out for yourself, for us and for the others. You need to live for yourself as well as for the people in the city.'

He nodded his head in agreement. 'I will Tseng. I may need to be coerced out of my office, but I will try my best to leave my work alone for a while.'

There was no need to say anything after that. I simply held him closer, which served as my thank you to him.

I could feel him smile against my chest. 'I didn't realize how much I missed having you hold me.'

'You don't realize how much I missed holding you.' Which was the truth. Not having him next to me was something that I didn't like thinking about, nor like to experience on a daily basis.

'Remind me to take a few minutes out of my day just for this.'

'Rufus, remember to take a few minutes of your day and let me hold you.'

He laughed a little at that. 'Heh, you know what I meant Tseng.'

'I know.' We stayed that way for a long while; neither one of us saying anything, only enjoying the sunset that was now coming through my office window.

The weight on my shoulder was getting a little heavier as the minutes wore on. I looked down and I realized why; Rufus was falling asleep. I must have moved my arms because he opened his eyes and looked at me.

I smiled down at him. His eyes were half closed and it was pretty obvious that he was comfortable where he was, not to mention exhausted. I guess the lack of sleep has finally caught up with him. 'Sleepy?'

He lazily smiled back up at me. 'Just a little. How could you tell?'

'I wouldn't be a very good guard if I didn't notice these little things, Rufus.' I removed my arms from around him and I swear I heard a small grumble from him when I did so.

'Why did you let go?'

I chuckled at the question. 'Because I'm tired of standing here and being your post. We could go someplace else and lie down instead.'

A small smirk appeared on his face. 'Well,' he began while wrapping one hand around my tie and the other around my neck. 'Where exactly were you thinking to go and lie down?'

I couldn't hide a small smirk of my own from appearing. 'I was thinking of someplace you haven't seen in a long time. Like your bed perhaps?'

Rufus nodded at the suggestion, removed his hands from around me and made his way to the door. He turned back to glance at me. 'Come on Tseng. It's not polite to keep your employer waiting.'

I left my spot near the window and made my way to meet him. 'Forgive me, sir. Let's go.'

Rufus' smile grew wider. 'Don't worry Tseng. I'm sure I can think of a few ways to punish you making me wait.'

It should go without mentioning that we both arrived late at work the next day, but in better moods then we had been in quite a while.

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A/N: This was my first real attempt at writing anything remotely yaoi-ish. Hopefully it turned out alright. Reviews are appreciated!


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